Naked As The News
by
Alex Buxton

For a while back in the eighties, I was resident Lighthouse keeper on a god-forsaken crag of rock off the south coast of Tasmania. Ball freezing wind and nothing for company but an old cold playboy and a CB radio always on the fritz.
For kicks, on "sunny" days (15-18 degrees tops), I'd strip off and have a surf in the nuddy. Great big mother waves that tasted like ice caps, exhilarating stuff. So one day, I'm doing my thing, hanging loose, free-snaking and in my own little world, but my old fella was but a wee icicle -- so between sets I tried to started rubbing sticks and stones together if you get my drift...I was just making "sparks ignite" on the vinegar stroke when a bloody helicopter pops up outta nowhere, with a camera dude hanging out the window! 
It was some ABC film team making a doco on lighthouses, and they managed to capture me working up my own bracing swell.
No surprises, the "scene" was duly left out, but I managed (against all odds) to get the footage salvaged and entered it into the Berlin ‘nude’ film festival last year narrowly missing out on the golden ‘schlong’ award for most outrageous display of nudity.