A Mermaid's Tale
by
Tina Phillips

“Fairies are not the only ones to have tales.
 Set against the fluid backdrop of myth and legend is the story of a young mermaid’s 
colourful and tumultuous journey to discover that in all the oceans there is no greater love than the love of one’s self.”

 
If you stood on the pearlescent sands of Langelinie 100 years ago, cupped your hand into the bright silvery blue and drank of the sea you would have tasted the clearest of crisp fresh waters, sweet and pure. The melted ice caps flowed straight into this harbour. Indeed all of the oceans in times long gone were pure & clear, a gift for all creatures of both land and sea on which to quench their thirsts.

If you stood there a little longer, quietly and serenely, moving not a muscle, but watching the liquid silver of the ocean run a gentle lovers hand along the sands you may have been lucky enough to see the surface of the water break ever so quietly and out slide a beautiful mermaid up onto a small smooth rock, her auburn hair trailing down her back, her long slender arms straightening to lift her alabaster skinned body from the water and just below what would be the base of her spine you would have seen the mother of pearl scales, iridescent with the turquoise of the deepest ocean, curving inwards to meet her diaphanous tail. 

But had you looked closely at that tail you would have seen the scars, deep gashes piercing into her flesh, the smaller scales just beginning to cover over freshly healing wounds, still raw and pink and undoubtedly painful. You would have seen her preen those scales as if covering the wounds with a viscous balm and you would remember. 

You would remember the story a tall man called Hans had told you. A man whose beauty was solely on the inside but shined out from every pore, reminding you of the diamond points of light refracting from this mermaids body. 

He told the tale of this mermaid who looked to fulfill her life through the love of a prince. But a prince would never love a maid of the sea, with her fish’s tail instead of feet. So she visited the haggard sea-witch & beseeched her for a potion to replace her tail with a pair of baby white feet. She suffered terribly as the sea witch cursed her to feel the pain of walking on knives, slicing through her mermaid’s tail, now looking like feet, with every step. The witch cut out her tongue to still her voice. All so the mermaid might gain the love of this man, a man who could not love her for who she really was. 

The love was forever unrequited and when this man married another the mermaid threw herself back into the sea. The story was told that she turned to foam & was taken away on the air to grace the lands forevermore but that was a fantasy, a Chinese whisper. She did indeed dive back into the ocean but she was not given the mercy of turning to foam. As you see, she emerged from those waters and here she sits trying to mend the wounds of a broken body, a broken heart & a broken spirit. 

She once thought she wanted to live forever, but now she knows that forever is a very long time without the love of another, or the love of one’s self, even here on the beautiful shores of Langelinie.

If you kept standing quietly on these shores you would have heard the wind in the sails of the passing yachts, a sad sweet sighing, not entirely of nature. You would have heard the gentle plashing of the waters on the keel, not entirely from a distance. You would have heard the cry of the gulls as if from far away only much closer to hand. And you would have seen the mermaid weeping, her tears falling into the ocean, one by one, her siren song turned within.

And here she has sat for one hundred years, her tears falling into the ocean, turning those fresh clear waters to brine. As the sea slowly turned to salt the dolphins & the fish would come to the mermaid. They would say to her “Surely, Little Mermaid, it is time for you to move on. You have cried here for one hundred years, you are no longer a merchild, though still a mermaid, you have blossomed into your womanhood. 

“You have the strength of your forebears, the gallant Vikings, who were lured from their long boats to a life under the waves. Those men & women who learned there was more to a life at sea than could be seen from the surface. They chose bravely to explore new worlds, to set aside their fears, to plunge headlong into the deep and unknown. They discovered beauty, peace, serenity. They had a love of the ocean so strong and so deep that they became one with the ocean and chose to swim with the tides and forge forward with new and spectacular lives. They grew and adapted, foregoing their human feet and legs and grew long lavish beautiful tails and covered them with nacre as they had once covered their bodies with armour. You have that bravery, that armour against the world. You have strength and the love of all the ocean”

But still she sat on her rock at Langelinie and wept.

The children of Llyr, the God of the Ocean, in their guise as white swans would sail past her and cried out for her pain. They would jump up onto the rock next to her and nudge & nestle her trying to encourage her back to her home.  But to no avail. The swans wept black tears into the salty water which even their webbed feet could not dissipate. 

Fionnuala, the eldest of Llyr’s swan children, bobbed on the water before the mermaid. “Little Mermaid” she said “I understand your pain. Every day I live the evil that jealousy has wrought within my own family. 

“My step mother, Aofie, could not understand that my father’s love for her was not diminished by the love he had shared with our dead mother. Aofie thought that the expression of that love between my father and my siblings would somehow rob her of the affection she felt should be hers. 

“Once I was of human shape, with gills and webbed fingers, much similar to yourself, but in her terrible jealousy my step mother thought to rob my father of the symbols of the love he shared with my mother. She knew she could not kill us, my brothers and sisters, because death is merely a veil. It is an illusion and she did not want us to be reunited with our mother. So she robbed my siblings and I of our human form & turned us into the swans you see today.

“My step mother did this terrible thing, thinking it would bring her love but what she really needed was to love herself. What she really needed was to be safe & secure in the love of our father and share in the memory of our departed mother who was, after all, her own sister.

“So my father sent my step mother to make recompense with our mother. He sent her through the veil of death so she could beg the forgiveness of our mother for her misguided actions. We all pity our step mother and trust she will find peace. 

“As for our form? It is not as we expected our lives to be but we have learned to love ourselves as we are. We still have grace in the water and share a different kind of beauty. We do not lament for our old selves, or the past, or for what might have been. We accept our new shape & revel in the joy of flight now awarded to us. We preen our feathers as we once brushed our long black hair. We have learned to love ourselves for who we are and through that love we can love our mother, our father and our step mother who have brought us to this place.

“Please Little Mermaid, won’t you return to the ocean? My father tells me there have been many wondrous changes beneath the water. Wouldn’t you like to see those changes, return to a life of love?”

The Little Mermaid looked into Fionnuala’s onyx black eyes. She saw her own pain reflected in their depths and she wondered, just for an instant, if love were still possible.

But in that same moment a bright ship, with billowing, silver sails, rigging of spun gold and topaz encrusted portholes floated by. From the sparkling deck she heard the tinkling of laughter. She looked at the figures holding fast to the railings with one hand, and fast to each other with the other, wind whipping back their hair in waves of chestnut & mahogany and she saw her prince, his arm around his wife, and she felt the pain of the knives all over again. That sharp stabbing agony of desolation, envy, and regret.

She looked back into Fionnuala’s beseeching eyes but the moment was gone. She saw no love there, only pity & desperation. The Little Mermaid shook her head, her hair falling over her down turned face and tears fell from her closed lashes anew.

Fiachra, one of the twin sons of Llyr, jumped up on the rock next to the Little Mermaid, shook the water from his outspread wings & drew one wing around her shoulders. “I have traveled far and wide, through water, across land and through the air. In my time I have seen many people suffer terribly for that which they cannot have. 

“Some years ago I flew to the shores of a lake in mystical Avalon. There, on the small island of Shallot, lived a woman some called Elaine more beautiful than you could imagine. Her skin was as alabaster as your own, her eyes bright & clear flecked with green & gold. A princess of another world.

“But she was cursed never to look upon the world of man. If she did, her world would shatter & she would be taken through the veil of death. She was a strong woman though and would not be outdone by this curse. She set a mirror in a window of the highest turret of her castle. In this mirror she could gaze at the reflected beauty of the world on the other side of the lake. As she watched, she weaved all the colour & majesty on her loom. She wove visions of the parades of plumed lords & richly clad ladies, dressed in their bright silks and plush velvets going to the pageants. She listened to the music float over the water and wove it through her work. In her mirror she saw the hearaldic colours on fluttering pennants as the knights went to the Tourney. She wove herself into that world as she sat at her loom before her mirror. She created for herself, even if only on her loom, the world in which she wanted to live.

In her mirror she too saw a prince, a knight of the realm, riding by on a big white horse, with golden bridle & saddle of silver. Broad shouldered armour burnished ‘til it shone brighter than the stars. His hair, like spun copper shone no less brightly and as she watched it was as if the lance he carried pierced her heart….and at that moment she knew. She knew she needed more.

“If she turned from the mirror her world would crack, she would pass through the veil of death into an unknown world. She was afraid.

“But this Lady did not pine, she did not weep onto her woven threads so that the colours would bleed or run. Instead she chose to turn from her mirror and gaze fully upon the one for whom she had fallen in love.

“In doing this the mirror shattered and she knew she must take hold of her own fate. She gathered her strength, gathered her weaving, her blankets & her rugs. She descended into the mist at the shores of the lake. She laid out her work, her life as she had wanted it to be, within a little boat. She knew a reflected life was no longer enough. She wanted to be part of this world she had woven; she wanted to be part of the colour and spectacle and love of the other shore. She wanted to be more than just a tapestry figure on this brightly coloured cloth so she stepped into that world, she stepped from the shore, into the boat filled with the woven dreams of another life. She pushed off from the shore & into the mist. She sang to the songs of the castle rising on the shore, wafting down to meet her as she sailed towards a hazy future. 

“She lay back in her little boat, cushioned in the spell of another life. Her boat beached on the sandy shore just below the castle walls and down to that shore stepped her knight. She watched through the thin veil of death as he pulled her boat from the water and gazed into her now lifeless eyes. She saw him look at her, lovingly, longingly, with the last glimpse she had of this side of the veil.

“Little Mermaid, Elaine too loved a prince she knew she could not have on this side of the veil but she did not sit and weep. She stood bravely and stepped into a new world, a new future. She loved herself enough to be true to her love and take control of her life, even when she knew the only one to love her was herself.

“Little Mermaid you are loved by so many. My siblings and I, my Father and all of the creatures of the ocean love you. We want for you all the happiness of the worlds. But above all we want for you, what you want for yourself. We cannot force you, we can only say that there is love for you in the ocean and the ocean is where you belong.”

With one downy feather Fiachra wiped away a tear from the mermaid’s eye. He kissed her after a fashion and jumped back into the water. All the children of Llyr gathered around the Little Mermaid and sang her a sweet farewell song then sailed out towards the open water.

The Little Mermaid thought about what the children of Llyr had said, she thought about their suffering, and the suffering of Elaine. She thought about the strength of her forebears and she felt a shift in the mantle of grief. Perhaps now, after 100 years, it was indeed time to move on.

The Little Mermaid looked back to the shores of Langelinie. Though this had been her island of pain she loved it still. From her small rock in the harbour she had seen the ocean turn from turquoise blue to emerald green as the sun sailed overhead. She had seen the sky turning from sapphire to ruby red with wisps of auburn, the colour of her hair, trailing across the sky as her hair had once trailed through the water. She had seen raging storms mirroring her fury as the sea whipped into a frenzy and the waves turned white but as she remembered that below the fury, below the white turbulent waves, the depths of the ocean were still calm & serene she too calmed and the mantle of melancholy floated heavily back around her silken shoulders. This harbour was her abusive lover but now she understood it was time to leave. 

With one almighty leap she pushed up with her completely healed tail, reached out her arms high above her head and arched through the air. She threw off the mantle of melancholy. She closed her sapphire eyes and felt her hands break the surface of the water. It rushed past her and she held her breath, afraid for just a moment that she had forgotten how to breathe, how to swim, how to be a mermaid.

Black, everything was black. Water filled her lungs, and in a moment of panic she opened her eyes. Her heart skipped a beat. And then…. she was home. She realized she was breathing with an ease she had not felt for 100 years. The ocean was caressing her skin, flowing under every pearly scale, lifting her hair, lifting the weight from her body. Her muscles reveled in the fluid movement of propelling her through the water. The weight of the world was washing away. The ocean was supporting her, caressing her, holding her close and safe.  

As she swam the fish came to greet her. She swished her tail through the water and they spun and tumbled in sheer delight. She stretched out to touch the fur seal as it slipped past her in a flash of plush pelt. The neon tetras twisted around her wrists like jeweled bracelets. She smiled and even laughed for the first time in 100 years. She was home, finally she was home.

She popped up to the surface again, just to wave good-bye to her beloved Langelinie and the dolphins & the whales spouted great fountains in celebration then dove back down into the oceans depths, down down down to the sandy floor below.

Only as they approached the bottom of the ocean floor the mermaid looked. Something was strange, it was very different. Here there was colour, where there had only been sand. There were strange looking rocks, only they were not rocks. The manta ray looked at the confusion in the mermaids eyes. “Ahh, you see the coral, in colours of pink and green, blue and yellow. This was not here when you left us. These are your tears Little Mermaid. This is the salt of the oceans, the salt of your tears, crystallised and solidified to create these shapes & forms. Your tears have created a thing of great beauty, a home for the eels, and the angel fish, and they have taken on a life of their own. They grow and transform into their own shapes and colours, they travel with the tides all over the bottom of the ocean floor.”

The Little Mermaid was astonished. She had thought all her tears useless and wasted, all her sorrow for naught but even from the greatest sorrow can be born beauty and life. Life had indeed gone on without her down here in the sea, but still she had contributed to its beauty and its growth.

She swam about the coral, exploring its ridges and tunnels. The damsel fish popped their heads from their hiding holes and welcomed her home. The stripy cow fish swam cartwheels till you the mermaid giggled giddily. Even the cranky old moray eel nipped out of his crag to plant a gentle kiss on the cheek of the Mermaid in thanks for his new home.

The Little Mermaid noticed that the water above her was beginning to ice over. Winter was descending on Langelinie. She danced on the tides and followed the warm currents making her way to her family’s summer home on the other side of the world.

Here the coral had sprung up even larger, it had formed a barrier between the oceans and the land. There were wonderful gateways & arches in the reef allowing one to pass through as if in a maze. The Little Mermaid lapped in the warmer waters of this land and smiled at the star fish & the octopus with fluorescent blue rings. The bright orange clown fish tickled her tail as she swam by. The butterfly fish gave her butterfly kisses as she rested on a bed of waving sea grass.  The sun shone through the surface of this vibrant blue green water catching the highlights of her amber hair shimmering like copper in a verdigris lake. Her heart continued to thaw as the waters warmed around her.

But as she rested, still astounded by the colours & vibrancy of the world below the waves she realized there was something missing. The manta ray settled down onto an underwater rock and prepared to tell her the bad news.

“Yes, Little Mermaid, things have changed. The oceans are a different world. As you see the salt of your tears has brought much beauty to our home and many are grateful for this world you have given us. Some however were distressed by your tears. As you wept and the oceans turned to brine not all were not able to bear the sorrow and the pain expressed in the water. Your family loved you so much that they could not live within your pain. They could not breathe, they could not eat, they could not survive when every breath, every mouthful, every moment of their lives was nothing but an affirmation of the pain you were in. They could not coax you back to their world so they chose another. They chose to pass through the veil. They all died rather than live knowing the pain you felt and that they could do nothing about. Little Mermaid, I am sorry. There are no other mer-people left in the ocean. You are the last of your kind.”

The Little Mermaid was silent. The waves seemed to pound in her temples. Her eyes would not focus. Dead? Her family was dead? She had killed them, with her sorrow and her jealousy and her tears. She had killed her family as she pined for her prince. As she pined for a life that could never be she had stolen the lives of all those she loved, all those she held dear. All of the love she had ever experienced was dead, and she had killed it.

The Little Mermaid did not know what to do. She shot to the surface and let out an almighty scream from her tongueless mouth. She dove back down into the water and smashed herself into the coral. She shattered the rocks with her tail and bashed against the jagged edges as if trying to dash away the product of her tears. The ocean boiled with her anger and her rage. She whipped herself around in circles turning the water into a vortex. The ocean heard her pain and reached out to the sky. The sky heard her pain and reached to the water. The water crashed over the reef and careered into the cliffs. The sky clapped thunder and lightening and turned black with torment. It sucked up the spinning vortex of water and threw it over the land. The fish pulled back deeper into the coral in fear and pain. 

The Little Mermaid threw herself onto a jagged rock jutting from the swirling ocean, stood to her full height on her tail and felt the knives of her past stab her and slash her from within. A full 12 hours did the Mermaid rail, a full 12 hours did the ocean respond, a full 12 hours did the skies carry the storm right through the night and towards the dawn until she slumped face down, wailing and weeping, all fury and all grief exhausted and extinguished.

Dawn broke over the edge of the reef and the little mermaid lay prostrate on that carbuncled outcrop, shattered and alone, hair trailing across her face and into the water, her arms limp and languishing, her tail lank and lifeless.

But she was not lifeless. The sun crept over her back and into her limbs. The soft pink clouds soothed the sky and that soothing was reflected in the water. As if in remorseful pity for their actions the night before the waves lapped at her fingertips gently and gingerly stroking her tail back into life. The mermaid slowly sat up, disheveled and completely spent. She looked at the rock upon which she sat, so familiar yet so foreign. She looked at the ocean, to her now so completely empty. And she looked at the sun shining on the golden sands just metres away. Blankly she sat, as the warm waters lapped at her tail, and the sun warmed her back. She had traveled so far, yet she had gone nowhere.

“Llyr,” the little mermaid said beseeching her God in her mind. “You have taken everything from me, my childhood, my prince, my love and even my family. You have shown me the power of the oceans, and the fury of the world. You have allowed my body & my soul to be broken. You have taken me from one side of the world to the other, yet I still sit on a rock, in a harbour desolate and alone.

“And yet you have sent me your own children to show me what good can come of adversity. You have shown me that through all pain comes great love and through tragedy there can be great beauty. You have shown me that the best person to love me is me and no other love will suffice.”

She thought about Elaine and her strength. How she had taken her life into her own hands when she stepped from her island into her boat, into another world. She thought about Aoife and how Llyr had sent her to make recompense with her sister. She thought of Fionnuala, & Fiachra who were making the most of their new lives and enjoying them immensely. She thought of her Viking forebears who stepped from the land into the water not knowing what was on the other side of that veil

“You have taken my tears and shaped something beautiful from them, a stunning world,” she said silently, “but this is a world that is no longer for me.

“I understand that without the old sea-witch’s magic I cannot walk on land without crossing through the veil. But I am no longer afraid. All my life I have wanted to walk on the land yes, to be with my prince, but also just to be in a brave new world full of my own history. I wish to return to that land of my ancient Viking forefathers. I wish to make recompense with my family, tell them I love them, and that I also love me. I wish to explore what new treasures are hidden beyond the veil.”

And at that precise moment she saw a flock of swans swoop over the beach and settle on the cliff beyond. The ocean gently rose up around her and lifted her off the rock and into the warm sweet, salty water. The angel fish emerged from their coral caves and swam along the mermaid’s back giving her wings on the tide. The starfish gathered in a crown around her brow and smoothed back her beautiful copper hair. The butterfly fish brought her strings of pearls for her wrists and mother of pearl beads for a necklace.

The tide carried her towards the beach and the mermaid stood, on her fish’s tail, with no pain and no sorrow. She took a few steps up onto the beach and lay down on the warm sand. She could just feel the water lapping at her tail, and she watched the tide slowly receding from her. On the cliff top she saw two figures, a mahogany headed woman and a chestnut haired man. She could see the man descending onto the beach towards her but the veil was drawing close now. She could see the woman was wailing & panicked waving for others to come to the beach but she heard not a word. All she heard was the waves breaking on the sand drawing further & further away, that lovers’ hand caressing the shore. With her last glimpse of the world this side of the veil she looked into his face as her prince fell to his knees at her side. She smiled a gentle good-bye, and drew the veil across her eyes.