Not Hit by Trucks
by
Alison Mary

She heard the sound of the alarm. Not a surprise. She'd been looking at the ceiling for twenty minutes. Not wanting to hear that sound. And now it was here.
Forced to turn off the alarm and face her day.
She'd been dreading this since Friday night- she would have to go to work again for another week.

She got dressed and applied make-up. Looking perfectly groomed in her work uniform, she drove to the centre in her blue Pulsar.

It made a slow start, but quickly joined the other work-goers in the rush hour traffic. As she drove she hoped a semi-trailer would swipe her car, leaving her body souless.Anything, but another week at work. Another month, another year.

At work she logged into her PC. The information centre would soon open and customers would come in. But now it was just her and her email account. Full of endless links of 'information' from the spam that filled her inbox. Read, delete. Read, delete. 

Sandra stopped and contemplated what was going on. Why was her life so cluttered? Filled with all this stuff. She didn't want to be here. She wanted to be having fun. 

She decided right then and there she would change her life. She didn't know how, but she must do it. She wanted to be happy with her husband. To sleep in together in marital bliss. To drink cocktails before midday. Hell, to drink cocktails full stop. 
But she wasn't.
Not now.
International roast from the staff kitchen- that was her morning start.
No. As of this morning Sandra had won the lottery.
A scratchie ticket even.
Yes, that's right. An Easter Egg scratchie ticket. Surely they have those. It was March after all. 
To the value of $5000, no $10,000. Fuck it, that's not enough to quit this job.
$100,000.
Yes, that should do.
At $50,000 a year she could stop working for 2 years.
2 years should be long enough to figure something else out.
2 years of not wishing to be hit by trucks.
Jess walked in. She'd been with Sandra since the start at this job. 20 years. 
Sandra told her. “....And then I scratched it. The thrid chocolate egg. It was the same- $100,000!”
	“Oh, wow!”
The two jumped in excitement.
	“So what are you still doing here?”
	“Well, I have to come to see you. And it'll be a while before they send my cheque.”
The day whizzed by. Sandra, happy, knowing she didn't have to be here. She was here to see her friend. But for no financial obligation, and no long term commitment.

She dealt with customers well. No confrontations. Knowing she was $100,000 richer. Knowing deep down it was a lie. A game. It hadn't happened yet. And knowing further down still in her stomache or heart somewhere that it could be true. She hadn't won yet. Yet. It was a technicality.

When she went home she celebrated. She had no reason not to. James was there when she got home. He'd finished his job at 3. No over time today. That made him happy. She walked in with his favourite Black Forest gateau, to tell him the good news- that they were going to be hundred thousand heirs.

The next morning. The alarm, the dread. The remembering. A smile. A bounce in her step and she was there. 
Sandra was beaming.
	“How long does it take?” Jess asked.
Indeed. How long does the manifestation of the money to quit your job take? To replace it all for a margarita, a deck chair and a nice novel. 
	“A month”, Sandra replied. That was it. A month was all she could take of it. “A month, then they send me the cheque”
	“Brilliant”
Brilliantly executed. Only a twang of guilt for lying to her friend. But you know, she'll be happy when I treat her to a trip at the day spa.
The two of us.
All body wraps and mud packs. Yes, that'll be fun.

So James went along with it too.
What else could he do?
There was nothing else. No where else to channel his energies. He stopped painting years ago and always thought that would be his life ambition. Now a brickies labourer. 
Sandra's plan was crazy.
But it could be fun. A hundred grand. He thought about what he could buy with a hundred grand. A new car. A pool for the back yard. A holiday- I'd love to go to Fiji.

Sure Sandra's ideas were nutty. But that's why he loved her. And despite the thirty kilos he'd added since meeting her, she still loved him.
A personal trainer. A gym membership. A treadmill and big screen TV. A media room, to go to the movies at home.
The list grew.

	“But you have to tell people, otherwise it won't work.”
	“I'm not telling anyone. We didn't really win”
	“No. We haven't won yet. It's different. And the point is dear James, we are going to win. But only if you act as if.”
	“Well, if we won, I wouldn't tell people.”
	“Mmmm, maybe. Maybe I'll lay off the bragging too.”

Thursday came. Late night shopping. At the mall, looking at all the things. All the things she couldn't afford. Fuck. No correction. The things I can afford when my cheque arrives. That's right. I'm rich now. No need to work. No job- just happiness.
She grabbed his hand and smiled at him.
They were going to make this happen.
Act as if it already had.
You are already wealthy and the money will come.
So looking in the candle store at the $40 candles. Who pays that for candles? Those that don't worry. Those that have an excess $100,000 to spend.
So she bought them.
A set- $100 for 3 candles.
Scented and delicious. She didn't even have to touch the money. Just credit carded it.
And it began. The spending sprees.
$100 candles a $50 dollar belt, new hair products, but not from the supermarket. The ones from the hairdresser. 

And then came the dread.
The followng Friday. 
Reviewing the bills. Only this time there was debt on the credit card on top of the bills. Electrictiy, gas, internet. The car.

And Sandra felt it. Irresponsible, stupid, naïve. A heavy pit in her stomache. Churning and hurting her. And she was a liar. Never had a she lied like this to her friends, her mum, her sister. She would have to work more now. Go out less. Less treats. Savings brand cereal. How stupid could she have been. She hadn't won the lottery. She felt deep humiliation.

Time to check my emails she thought. But wasting time was not a solution either. Last week she was praying for a semi-trailer to total her Pulsar, and her from her life.
This week she'd just felt total.
For the first week in years, waking was a joy. More than just about the money, but more about the freedom. Going to work was a choice she took to see Jess and talk with people and share her knowledge about the motoring industry. Not about paying the bills.

She'd come too far and was too happy to see these bills upset her. That's why they sent them. So people do jobs they hate. Otherwise no one would clean toilets. Or do any other shitty job. So she put them in the draw. Stuffed them in tight. One was poking through, but she quickly slammed it shut again. Bending and scrunching it. No one likes a bill anyway. She smiled. What did she have to worry about? She could win scratchies.

So she went to the shops. And bought scratchies. $20 later, she had 2 tickets refunded and four useless pieces of paper. 
Hmm. It doesn't work stupid. - The voice from inside her head.
Why would I make a voice that doesn't help me? Or make me feel stronger. It makes me feel bad. Makes that feeling in the stomach grow. The feeling I had when I kissed Mel's boyfriend in high school. This bad feeling will leave too. So will this voice.

A smile.
Relax Sandra.
It's only been two weeks.
You said four. 
Actually you said a month.
We have 16 more days to go.
A deep breath. Chill out. Heaps of time. She didn't worry anymore.
She knew it was coming. I'm looking forward to the freedom. But I can enjoy the freedom I have now.
She went next door to the video store. Time for a funny movie. With the movie she bought some chips and they ate and they laughed.

The next week of work went by quickly. With a smile of happiness and freedom.

When Friday came, pay day, Sandra was filled with joy. She knew she was going to win. It's all she thought about. And it made her happier. Friday after work she bought 5 scratchies and a bottle of Champange- ok Sparkling Brut- to celebrate.

She didn't dare scratch them. 
When James got home, late thanks to all that overtime, see they were in the money. Hmm, but not how she wanted. She wanted more time together. Not that. Maybe he could start painting when they won. When one of these little pieces of card turned into a small fortune. Maybe he could be a famous artist. The artist she wanted to marry.
They scratched half each.
Ten bucks won.
Double last week. Still ten dollars poorer than when she had bough them.
Oh well.
She knew they'd win. They'd have to. They did not exist to work in customer service and labouring on a building site. Why would they? That made no sense.
So they drank the Champagne and watched some TV.  Made love and began to enjoy the weekend. 

Wednesday came, hump day as they call it at the centre- you are mid-way in your work week. Midway to the weekend. Overcoming the hump. Counting down two more days of your life to get to the leisure.
Sandra felt different. She actually got up before her alarm. 6:30am, so aerobics was on TV. She moved to the sexy girls on the TV, in the Sydney sun. The rain outside, typical of Melbourne, had dissipated by time she went to her car. She imagined the 8 year old Pulsar replaced by the latests model.
She imagined her sensible work shoes morphed into sandals. Instead of the freeze dried coffee she drank a smoothie. Instead of reading her emails she cleaned her desk.

At lunch she left the office. Went to a cafe across the road. She read a magazine and relaxed. It was all leisure. All a big holiday. That night she bought a ticket. A cheap $2 scratchie. The maximum jackpot was only $50,000, not even enough to fulfill the fantasy she had created, but the chicken on it was adorable.

She scartched one chicken, two chickens. Whatever. I didn't win. I'm just nut. Three chickens.
Holy Shit! 
$50,000. I won. I won!
I'm so happy. In the small newsagents the guy behind the counter knew. Everyone there knew. The small magazine racks were shaking with her jumps for joy.
I can't wait to tell James, she thought.
And quickly, but deliriously drove home. Past semi-trailers, and past fancy sports cars.
Ahh, I won. I won.
She told him as she opened the door. 
He wasn't there. Still doing overtime, but when he came in and heard the news, a brimming smile filled his face.
	“I told you! But because you didn't do it right, so we only won half.”
	“Except,” he said pulling a scratchie from his pocket, “I won too.”
And surely enough another $50,000 was written 3 times on his small piece of card.
That night was full of joy, sex, food, and laughter.
They knew they coul have anything, they just had to ask.